That getting sick feeling

Ever get that feeling where you know you are getting sick. You don’t feel sick yet … but you feel it coming, you know it’s there, hiding, waiting to be unleashed.

Well that is how I felt yesterday. I ended up going to bed a couple of hours earlier than normal last night because I just did not feel myself, and thought that maybe if I got some extra sleep I could dodge the bullet.

I woke up this morning, and could not get myself out of bed. Stuffy nose, scratchy throat, still exhausted. Yup, I am getting sick.

Womp womp. How am I supposed to continue training/running for my relay marathon at the end of February, when I can barely breathe just sitting here. Please make this be a quick cold and be done and gone in a few days. Please. Thank you.

Oh – and just as a side note. A and I are hopefully going to be adding to our family very soon!! No – no babies yet. A puppy!! We have been talking about getting an english bulldog for a long time coming now. We have been in contact with a couple breeders, and tonight we are actually going to go see a breeder and her pups – Hopefully we can get on the waiting list for the next litter that will be born sometime this week!

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Less than one month away …

In less than one month … I will be running in a relay marathon!

I had decided I wanted to do it a few months ago. Because of my multiple knee surgeries, I was told that running a marathon was a VERY bad idea. My doctor told me to stick to no more than 5 miles. I am rebelling just a little bit, and doing an 8 mile leg in a relay marathon. Deal with it.

Well at the start of the new year, A and I decided to do Insanity together. I thought about backing out of the marathon thing because I was doing Insanity with A, but everyone on the team really wanted to do it, and I couldn’t back out and leave everyone else without the 4th runner. If I had been running this thing solo I might have backed out, so I guess it is good that I chose to do a team thing, because if there is one thing I hate, it is letting your team down. So once I knew that I was definitely running in a marathon, I realized I should start running. Well I was doing insanity, and running, and that can be a little much. There was one day, that I ran 8 miles, then did Insanity, and my net calorie intake for the day was 90 calories. That is very bad. So, I decided that it wasn’t really a good idea for me to be doing both insanity and training to run in a race at the same time. So, I put insanity on hold. I do it occasionally with A when I don’t have a run that day.

I just hit my 8 miles the other day and I was beyond excited. It was the first time I had run 8 miles since my surgery a little over a year ago. And I felt great. This was on the treadmill though. Although the northeast has been having an unusually warm winter, it’s still been cold, and so I haven’t been able to get myself to run outside. It’s like I am scared of the cold. But the other day it was 52 degrees out, and I was actually home from work somewhat early, so I went for a run outside and it felt fantastic. Yesterday was in the low 40s, and I ran outside. There was snow on the sidewalks and the wind definitely made it feel a bit chilly, but it felt good, and it didn’t take too long into the run to actually start to warm up.

Bring on the relay marathon at the end of February! I am pretty sure that all this warm weather and rain we are having is just a sick joke from mother nature, and the end of February and March are going to be insanely cold and snowy.

Another important part of this marathon .. is music. If I don’t have music, well running just doesn’t happen. I have begun making my marathon playlist. It is full of womps and electronic music. It just really keeps me going.
Here is one song that has been playing on repeat for me 🙂

Music sounds better with you :)

So yesterday on my way home from work, I happened to be listening to the radio. I say happened because typically I am listening to my Zune, radio music can be extremely frustrating because they play the same four songs over and over again. I like to listen to a talk show on the radio in the morning, and my Zune on the way home. Well yesterday I didn’t feel like rummaging through my purse while driving, so I went with the good old radio. And I heard a song I haven’t heard before. Shocking. And I got excited because the announcers mentioned a new song out called “Music Sounds Better With You” (hello blog name). At A and I’s wedding reception, we came out to a song with that name. It fit us perfectly as we are both big music lovers, and it was upbeat and fun. It was a fantastic song for us, and whenever I hear it, it brings me back to our special day and just us in general.
So needless to say, I was interested to hear this new song with the same name. And then I heard who “sang” it, and my excitement began to wane. It is by Big Time Rush, or whatever that band is called. I am not entirely sure. But I am not a fan. Sorry for any of you fans out there, but just not my cup of tea.
Well I gave the song a shot. And I felt like this:

Maybe it’s because I love the Stardust version and it brings back some good memories. Maybe it’s because I am over the whole boy band thing. But I was just not a fan.
Sorry to all you Big Time Rush fans out there.
I will stick with Stardust’s version of the song 🙂

Missing in Action

So it’s been awhile since my last post. I haven’t been feeling very inspired. I have also been ridiculously busy at work. EC started classes this week, so I spent the end of last week doing all the last-minute prep work, and then this week dealing with all the confusion from both students and professors. So after spending long busy days in the office, the last thing I want to do when I get home is jump on the computer.

Another thing that is missing in action, is a 10K check that should have been mailed to A. So A sold his car. He loved it, but he doesn’t really use it, so we thought we would try to save some money over the winter and go down to only 1 car. We paid the thing off, and eventually found someone who wanted to buy it, and we actually made 2K off of it. Well great. A 16-year-old kid with the help of his father bought the car. They gave us a 2K personal check, and then a 10K banker check. We were a little nervous about the personal check, but we knew where these people lived, and they seemed like very honest people so we said it was okay. Well we put the money in our checking account, and then after it looked like it cleared, we moved it over to our savings, since we don’t like keeping a lot of money in our checking. Well go figure, there weren’t the proper signatures on the bank check, so the 10K bounced, and we went to a negative amount of money in our checking account. Fantastic. We immediately went to the bank and they said it was getting mailed back to us as and when we got it we would need to get all the signatures (for some reason the people who bought the car also need to sign this check), and then deposit the check again. Well this was over 2 weeks ago, and still no check. It has gone M.I.A. And every time we call the bank they tell us to wait one more day, one more day. It is incredibly frustrating. We eventually moved some money from savings into checking so that we at least would not be in the negative and get all these crazy fees, but I would love it if this missing 10K check would appear in my mailbox today so that this whole thing could get straightened out. Please and thank you.

Wanting two very different things

Do you ever have those days when you can’t figure out what it is that you want with your life? And the reason you can’t figure it out, is because you want a bit of everything. This weekend was one of those weekends for me. I think it came about because I finished reading a book that really got me thinking. I feel like I want two very different things. Now don’t get me wrong, both of these things involve A, I wouldn’t trade him or what we have for anything. Both paths include him.

On one hand, I like where we are heading now. We both have great jobs with really good opportunities in the future. We are house hunting and hopefully will have a house that we can call our own and begin to start our family together – first with a little english bulldog, followed by some babies eventually.

A and I both love the idea of being relatively close to our friends and family – we are only a short drive away. It’s what you dream of when you are little, and what most people wish for. A happy and healthy family with friends nearby.

But then, there are days, like this weekend, when I think I want something completely different. I am talking moving to some completely foreign location with A, living in a tiny apartment, and traveling. I have been skydiving once before, a couple of years ago now, but I want to go again. And I want to go bungee jumping. And scuba diving.

And most of all I want to travel. I would love for us to live in Europe for a couple of years, working random jobs just to get by, and traveling. There are so many places I want to see.

There is so much out there that we have yet to see and do.

But if we do those things – then we are extremely far from our family and friends. And A and I are both very friend and family oriented. And we are at that age where all our friends are starting to get married and we would miss out on a lot of weddings if we were to just disappear for a few years. And we love our families. I am very grateful for all that we have. But why is it that I have to want two so very different things sometimes? I know the whole grass is greener on the other side thing. But it still doesn’t stop me from sometimes wanting that other side…

Tim Tebow vs The Patriots

So unless you are into football or, you are from New England or Colorado, you probably could care less about the upcoming football game this weekend. But being an avid Boston/New England sports fan, I am pretty excited for this. For all of you that don’t know what is going on, there is all this hype surrounding quarterback Tim Tebow for the Denver Broncos. I am not sure how I feel about him. He is very open about being very religious, which is great, I am just not sure if he truly is or he is just using it to get attention from the media. He is also known for what everyone now calls “Tebowing.”

It seems like he is the only guy people talk about over in Denver. So it looks like Tim Tebow will be taking on the New England Patriots. I am a little nervous. New England is favored, but I have always felt it’s a little easier going in as underdogs, relieves some of the pressure. But I am hoping Tom Brady and the rest of the boys can pull through.
A and I will be going over a friend’s house to watch the game. It’s been awhile since we have seen this group of friends so it should be fun. I happened to be roaming around on the internet and came across a Tim Tebow drinking game – and I found it quite hilarious. Mainly because if you did follow these, you would most likely not last very long.

I do not take any credit for this, like I said, it is all over the internet right now if you search for Tim Tebow Drinking game, but I just thought I would share as well 🙂

5. Drink every time an announcer uses any form of the word “win” to describe Tebow.
4. Drink every time Tebow’s lack of accuracy is mentioned.
3. Finish your beer every time he points to the sky.
2. Finish your beer every time his name is used as a verb (i.e. “Tebowed” or “Tebowing”)
1. If any player strikes the Tebow pose (aka Tebowing), the last person to strike the Tebow pose must finish everyone else’s beer.

Good luck if you decide to try the game out 🙂

And GO PATRIOTS! 🙂

Tough times and tough decisions

So I wasn’t going to post about this, mainly because I am tired of talking about it and want to try to get away from the negativity of this whole situation, but this resurfaced a few days before Christmas, so I decided I would post about it, hopefully to give myself some closure from the whole thing.

For the past two years, before A and I got married, I had been living in an apartment with one of my very good friends that I grew up playing soccer with, and than one other random girl. My friend (we will call her Jen) and I got along great, and her boyfriend and my boyfriend at the time were very good friends as well so we would constantly go on double dates. Well she ended up getting engaged, and about 4 months later I got engaged as well. Great … fantastic. We were planning our weddings together and I was in her wedding and she was in mine. My wedding was in September and hers was in October. Everything was perfect.

Well things started going sour in March of last year. My friend and roommate, who I was very close with, started becoming very distant. She would leave the apartment when she went to talk to her fiancĂ©e (we will call him Chris) on the phone and was disappearing a lot. There was also this one week where she wouldn’t talk to anyone and just wrote in this diary that she had – and lost about 10 pounds. This is bad enough as it is .. but when she is about 110 pounds wet, 10 pounds is A LOT. So I was really concerned about her, and when I asked what was wrong and if she needed to talk, she would just tell me she was fine. She started getting a bit better after that one really bad week, she wasn’t losing weight anymore and she was being much more normal and talked to me – but she was still disappearing at night.

This went on for a couple of months, before it finally started to dawn on me that something was really not right here. Every night she was leaving to go “shopping” to de-stress. She was taking a grad school course and was so stressed and needed to get away at night by going walking or shopping. But she never came back with anything. And half the time, her fiancĂ©e was texting me asking me where she was. Even worse, there were a few times she told her fiancĂ©e she was going to bed, and then ended up leaving.
What does this look like to you?

Yeah, I started to think the same thing. And then, this guy she kept talking about that she worked with happened to need rides to work in the morning occasionally. Which was weird because he lived somewhat close to their work, would travel further to get to our apartment, so she could bring him. And one morning I caught them being extra flirtatious before they left the house.

There were a few other little signs here and there and I didn’t know what to do. It became extremely apparent that Jen was cheating on her fiancĂ©e with someone from work. I was trying to plan for my wedding and didn’t need to be stressing out about this whole situation – and boy did I stress over this. I couldn’t just watch two people get married with all the cheating and lies … but I couldn’t just tell Chris because I was Jen’s friend first … but boy do I hate confrontation and did not want to tell her that I knew either.

Well June rolled around (Jen is a teacher so she was practically done with school), so I decided that I needed to tell her that I knew. For the past couple of weeks I had been very distant with her so she kept begging me to tell her what was wrong. So I let it out. And she cried. She said she was so confused and that I was right and she had no idea what she wanted but she felt like she loved to people and went on and on. Yes – she said loved. It was much more serious than I thought. So of course I was her friend through this, but at the same time I had to be real with her. I told her while I didn’t understand why she was cheating on her fiancĂ©e because I don’t agree with cheating whatsoever (if you want to cheat just break up with the person), I wanted her to be happy, so whether happy was with this other guy, with her fiancĂ©e, or with no guy at all right now, she needed to figure that out. I let her vent and cry to me first, and then told her my thoughts. I told her that maybe she should think about postponing the wedding and talking to her fiancĂ©e about these uncertainties that she was having. I also said that I thought she could fix things if she just told him what had happened and agreed to work on them. Chris was in love with her, and I told her that he would want to fix whatever was not working and work through her/their issues together, and eventually still get married. I told her that if Chris ever found out the lies she would lose him – so I said she really needed to be honest and tell him. She agreed that she needed to talk to her fiancĂ©e either way, but that she needed the weekend to think about things.

Ok great. This was working out really well – or better than I thought it was going to go. I was a good friend, and I continued to try to help her talk through her feelings and what not, and it really seemed like she was going to figure things out and talk to her fiancĂ©e about what had been going on and fix it. When Monday rolled around she all of a sudden said that she was ending things with this other guy but not telling her fiancĂ©e because it would only hurt him and she couldn’t do that to him. Really?! Maybe you should have thought of that BEFORE you decided to cheat on him for at least 4 months. I told her how this was going to be a huge elephant sitting on her shoulder for her entire life and that she would never be able to be completely happy hiding something this big. But she said no, that it was better not telling, and that was how it was going to be. So here came the hardest thing up to this point, and that was to tell her I could no longer be in her wedding party. How could I possibly stand there in a church, and watch her say “I do”, knowing it meant nothing. A and I are both very religious and I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I couldn’t be a part of that. So of course she was mad but she said she understood. I had told her that if she told her fiancĂ©e everything, and they worked through things and still got married that I would happily stand up at the wedding, but I couldn’t if the lies were there. This didn’t change anything though and she was going to be continuing the lies. Of course, it brought up questions from both her fiance and mine why I was no longer in her wedding. She told me to lie to A, and she kept her fiancĂ©e away from me so that he couldn’t ask me in person, and just told him that I didn’t think she should be getting married if she was a little nervous. He thought a little nervous was fine and so in turn thought I was being a horrible friend and got pissed at me, which meant he wasn’t really talking to A either.

Well my roommate was fine with lying to her fiancĂ©e, but I was not okay with it. A knew something was up, and I couldn’t not tell him anymore. A and I tell each other everything and don’t lie to one another, so when he straight up asked me what was going on, I was going to have to tell him, I was just trying to buy Jen some time so that she could tell Chris on her own terms. I told Jen that I would be telling A and that I couldn’t control whether he told Chris or not, and she FLIPPED out. Chris and A are friends, and so A felt that he had a duty to let him know of this. I would want to know if my fiancĂ©e was cheating on me, and so would A (I think most people would want to know before taking one of their biggest steps in their life up to this point), so unfortunately A was the one that needed to break the news to him, as hard as it was. Well Jen begged me not to tell. She didn’t care that I wasn’t in her wedding anymore, she only cared about me telling A. So clearly, she did not care about our friendship, rather, she only cared about her secret being found out.

Well, towards the end of July, before they were about to move in together (and after I had already moved out), A finally realized he just had to bite the bullet and tell Chris. And he freaked out. He was in shock, which most would be when their fiancĂ©e and someone they have been dating for 6+ years is cheating on them. July and August were tough months. Thankfully, I had moved out of the apartment in early July so I wasn’t around Jen anymore, but I still had to deal with some nasty messages from her. And Chris was so upset. The thing is, he thought about taking her back. Which to me, if he decided that, then great. I thought he just had the right to know who he was marrying, whether he wanted to still marry her is up to him and I would support any decision. And even after finding out that she cheated and then was going to keep it a secret forever, he was still going to take her back. Well she decided to hammer the nails in her own coffin when first of all she decided to fly out to Chicago to go see him the DAY AFTER their wedding shower. She eventually came clean about this after he interrogated her about her real reasons on going there. This was a good month after she had told me that she had completely broke things off with this guy. How could you fly out to see the guy a day after you just shared a wedding shower with your fiancĂ©e and accepted all these gifts from friends and family. And then, a friend of Chris, who lives in the same town, found Jen parked in front of the house of the guy she had been cheating with. She had been texting Chris while she was with this other guy. That was the final straw for Chris, when he realized how big of a liar and cheater she was, and he ended it and said he would not be taking someone back that just continued to lie over and over again.

This was all before my wedding, stress I did not need. A mutual friend of Jen and I, and someone who was actually supposed to be in Jen’s wedding party as well, sent me an email because she had heard partly through me and partly through Chris what had happened, and she thanked me for what I had done. She realized how difficult it had been and thanked me for realizing the importance of the sacrament of marriage and said that A and I would have a very long, happy, and healthy marriage because we both understood what marriage meant. That was very uplifting for me. I had a really hard time with this because this was someone who I thought was a friend. It took awhile to realize how much she was using me, and how allowing that wedding to take place was almost just as bad as what Jen had done. Well not quite, but you get my point.

Well since then, her Chris has thanked us over and over again for saving his life, and that he has never been this happy. He has a new girlfriend, and I truly hope he is happy. He has told us that Jen has emailed him and wrote him countless letters asking to get back together, but he has stayed strong and told her he has moved on and she should too.
I do feel bad for her, obviously she has some issues and needs to figure out some things, but that is no excuse to take it out on your so-called friends and to cheat on your fiancĂ©e for months and plan to get married anyway. Why get married if you are going to cheat? It just doesn’t make sense to me.

Anyways, A and I have moved on from all of that drama thankfully and only once and awhile is she brought up in conversation with other people (we are from the same hometown and share some mutual friends) and I try to just ignore it. I don’t want to tell other people her business, but at the same time, I am sure she has ripped me to pieces when she tells other people why she is not engaged. Again, two wrongs don’t make it right so I don’t get into it.

Well, as I had said when I started this ridiculously long post, this issue resurfaced again just before Christmas. It was actually the day before Christmas Eve and A and I were doing some last-minute shopping when I got an email on my phone from none other than this “friend” and the subject was “2012”. I thought hmm, weird, maybe she is apologizing for how she treated me and everyone else during those months or just saying that she has moved on with everything .. but no. Jen went into how while she agrees with what she did was wrong, I was more wrong in what I did to her by telling Chris. She said that I should have been a friend and not judged her and tried to help her tell Chris. (Did I not try to do that for over a month before you finally just said absolutely not you are continuing on with the wedding plans? I didn’t judge, I listened to you cry and tried to help you figure things out. And besides, you are an adult, you should be making adult decisions on your own. Either way, I did try to help you.) And then Jen got into how she was in therapy to try to help her figure out why she did what she did and to help her move on. (So I am sure her therapist said maybe she should try to clear the air between her and I going into the new year – NOT to put all the blame of her problems on to me… I don’t think she got the therapists point.) She ended saying how she misses the good times that she had with A and I, but that she can never forgive us for what we did to her, and that she would prefer if I didn’t respond to her email.
Really, you prefer I didn’t respond because you can’t handle the truth. And this is your 2012 email to me – is this supposed to make you feel better?!
I became very anxious, and was torn on whether I should defend myself and my actions, or just let it go. I didn’t want to start this whole thing over again, but I wanted to defend myself. I went back and forth several times and never felt good about the decision to either send an email or not send anything. So the next day, when I was in church, I prayed about it, and asked God what I should do. And I left church realizing that I didn’t need to defend my actions to her. I know deep down I did what was right and all that I could do, and I felt at peace with that decision. Sometimes you just need a little faith and some help from God.

So sorry for the long drawn out post. Instead of emailing her back, I decided to just write about it here. It felt good to finally get that all out. It’s a little scary talking about something so serious and something that was so tough for me. While 2011 was amazing and filled with some wonderful things, this was also a dark shadow over it and I am ready to move on from it. Has anyone else had any similar experiences? Do you agree with my decision to not be in the wedding and to eventually tell her fiancĂ©e? Or would you do things differently than I had?