Wanting two very different things

Do you ever have those days when you can’t figure out what it is that you want with your life? And the reason you can’t figure it out, is because you want a bit of everything. This weekend was one of those weekends for me. I think it came about because I finished reading a book that really got me thinking. I feel like I want two very different things. Now don’t get me wrong, both of these things involve A, I wouldn’t trade him or what we have for anything. Both paths include him.

On one hand, I like where we are heading now. We both have great jobs with really good opportunities in the future. We are house hunting and hopefully will have a house that we can call our own and begin to start our family together – first with a little english bulldog, followed by some babies eventually.

A and I both love the idea of being relatively close to our friends and family – we are only a short drive away. It’s what you dream of when you are little, and what most people wish for. A happy and healthy family with friends nearby.

But then, there are days, like this weekend, when I think I want something completely different. I am talking moving to some completely foreign location with A, living in a tiny apartment, and traveling. I have been skydiving once before, a couple of years ago now, but I want to go again. And I want to go bungee jumping. And scuba diving.

And most of all I want to travel. I would love for us to live in Europe for a couple of years, working random jobs just to get by, and traveling. There are so many places I want to see.

There is so much out there that we have yet to see and do.

But if we do those things – then we are extremely far from our family and friends. And A and I are both very friend and family oriented. And we are at that age where all our friends are starting to get married and we would miss out on a lot of weddings if we were to just disappear for a few years. And we love our families. I am very grateful for all that we have. But why is it that I have to want two so very different things sometimes? I know the whole grass is greener on the other side thing. But it still doesn’t stop me from sometimes wanting that other side…

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