I really feel like I should have it all together by now. But I feel the complete opposite. I feel like I am at a crossroads right now, with a million different ways to choose, and part of me wanting to go off in each direction.
Last night A and I went for a long walk since it was so incredibly nice out. And we spent that hour long walk talking about a lot of things. Family, holidays, cars, renting, buying a house, our jobs, where we want to live .. or not live.
I know I have mentioned this before, but part of me wants to run off to some new city or entirely new country, and live there for a few years. Another part of me wants to stay somewhere local and buy a home and start a family. But where that somewhere local is I still don’t know. A did a lot of the talking last night, he is one of those talk as he thinks kind of people. Where as I am quiet and think everything through in my head before saying anything. So when he finished talking and asked me where I saw us living – I hadn’t had enough time to think, and it was like I had forgotten how to speak. I didn’t know what to say. When I started speaking, it was just gibberish that came out of my mouth. We have had this conversation before though, so he understood what I was trying to say thankfully.
I don’t know what I want. I don’t want to pick up and move, and regret that I didn’t stay and settle down. I don’t want to settle down, and always think about what I missed not trying a new place for a couple of years. If I do settle down, I don’t want it to be in the wrong place. Why can’t I just know what I want.
Sorry, don’t mean to get all depressing here. That’s life right, you aren’t supposed to know what to do or what’s going to happen, you just need to sit back and enjoy the ride. I just needed to voice my thoughts a bit I guess. And remind myself that everything will work out the way it is supposed to.
If you are having one of those days, with just a million different emotions running through you, than take a listen to Tom Day’s “Home”. You just feel so at ease listening to it. He somehow manages to capture every emotion possible into a 6 minute song and you can’t help but wonder what it was you were worried about before you started listening.
Happy Thursday ya’ll. And cheers to the good weather and almost weekend.